Uranian Rave Busted By Gemini Observatory
QSDWire – Hilo, Hawaii
The internet is abuzz over what’s happening on Uranus. No, this isn’t another joke at the expense of the large gaseous planet, long maligned as boring and shackled with a funny name. It seems that a great light spot has been spotted by the folks at the Gemini Observatory, and the public is being invited to join in watching. As if we can do so by stepping out into our backyard without a giga-powered telescope and see squat…
About a zillion hypotheses have been put forth to explain the bright spot, from storms to clouds to what not. But they’re all wrong, wrong, wrong (see what you get when you have Ph.D.’s do your thinking?). We, and only we, know (from, ahem…”observations,” yeah, that’s it…we weren’t there, Mom, we promise – just watching from afar) the REAL explanation for Uranus’ bright, bright spot:
That’s right…it’s that time of year again (we mean that time of the Uranian year…once every 84 of your puny short Earthling years)! TIME FOR THE ANNUAL URANIAN RAVE, BABY! YEAH!
Party on, dudes! Party! Party! Party! It is a truly epic rave, the likes of which this solar system rarely sees. We mean, EVERYBODY gets into the partying mode.
Yeah Baby! (We thought we’d take this opportunity to include a picture of attractive young people partying in bathing suits before we get on with a few triffling deatils about the rave like, you know, HOW FREAKIN’ COLD IT IS ON URANUS). But that won’t stop the Rave! It’s only an excuse for…
Yeah, those togas really protect you from the -200 C temperature and the hundred mile per hour winds. Of course, it’s such a happening par-tay, nobody notices! Hey! Wait a minute! Pay no attention to those toga wearers…we mean the ones on the left side…no, not the frat boy, the other ones on the left. They’re not really there, Mom, it’s all a trick of Photoshop…yeah, that’s it. Photoshop.
Moving on, the rave guest list is extraordinary, but the true party animals are the native Uranians. Those guys really know how to party even in the coldest of weather.
“Of course there’s a direct, causal relationship between the weather and the amount of libations consumed,” confirms a happy-go-lucky Uranian who goes only by the name of “Frosty.”
“It’s all just in good fun,” says “Frosty.” “Things may get a bit bright with all the lights and such, but it’s all just part of the event.” “Frosty” tips his old silk hat, chews on his corncob pipe and winks his coal eye, “until things get a bit snowier in the northern hemisphere of Earth, I think we’ll all stay here and enjoy the party. In the end it’s great fun, lights and music had by all!”
I don't get it!
It’s really that simple.
The bright spot is probably just some storm or storm clouds, just like the really bright Ph.D.’s hypothesize. Sure, we make fun of Ph.D.’s here (mostly because Uncle Scott has one), but every now and then they really are right, you know.
Anyway, even the biggest rave wouldn’t be viewable from Earth, let alone any of Uranus’ moons or anything else remotely close to Uranus (no, we’re not really close to Uranus). So, they’re MAKING IT UP.
What a surprise.
Oh, and that snowman/Frosty thing…we are not aware of any credible information linking Uranian ices with Frosty. They might not even have snowmen. Or snow-women. Besides, Frosty comes from magical Christmas snow. Everyone knows that!